The cravings have, for the most part, stopped. When they do show up, they're far more docile beasts that are easily vanquished. However, I'm now living with this huge, voracious monster. It follows me around religiously and I can almost always smell it's fetid breath and hear it's labored movements. It's become massive and terrifying. It's my appetite.
I've started exercising pretty regularly again. At least four times per week for at least half an hour. I'm proud of that. But it's not helping my appetite. At first I started losing the weight I've gained since quitting smoking, and I was jubilant. Then the appetite began to grow in relation to the exercise so that I'm back where I started again.
Stress doesn't help. It seems like every time I try to take on a life challenge, like quitting or dieting, that's when life becomes the most difficult and challenging all on its own. I've GOT to figure out something that works for me to reduce stress and relax that doesn't involve my big fat mouth.
Ferme ma bouche.
No alcohol. No smoking. No food. Not even healthy food. This has become a problem all on its own. I have got to change the way I think about food. Not just replace my oral fixation with healthy snacking. It's the oral fixation that has got to go. I'm even seriously considering further emptying my already meager pockets on a cognitive psychologist. I fear it may take some professional help to re-structure my thinking process.
But for now, I'm going to try to do it on my own. I'm going to stop snacking altogether. I don't want to be chained to this addictive oral thing forever. Even though healthy snacks won't bust my waistline, they're not going to help me get over the root of the entire problem: my mouth.
I have officially declared war on my mouth and it's irrational desires. I'm going to try starving it. Unless I need to eat or drink for sustenance, it's not getting fed- at all.
Hopefully the monster will shrink in time and stop harassing me. It's really quite unattractive.
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