Warrior Pose

When kicking any bad habit, we're taught that we need to know what our "triggers" are. What situations, people, feelings, etc. set off the urge to commit said bad habit. For me, the urge to smoke, at this point in my quit, pretty much only comes when I'm either depressed or stressed. The urge to overeat comes mostly at the same times. Drinking? Same.

I continually find myself in these situations lately. It's like I'm being tested. Work is the worst it has ever been, I'm in a new home, I seem to be going through one of those "pruning" phases with my friends (e.g. I seem to be losing a lot of people I once considered really important), and I'm so broke that I'm just waiting for actual moths to fly out of my pockets- a la vintage cartoons.

I need to find a new way to cope with stress and depression (because that's another "gift" this whole process seems to have given me.) There are volumes written on how to replace the bad habits with healthy new ones and endless lists of suggestions. I don't like them. I feel like a stubborn toddler, but I don't want to do those things. I don't want to meditate. No thanks. Puzzles? I mean, puzzles are fun and all, but I don't have to actively smoke, eat, or drink. Half the fun of those things is that they can be done while doing something else at the same time. I can't really carry on a conversation with my husband while trying to remember that river in China for 24-down. Crafting? MMMmmeeehhhh. I'm more of an active artist than a crafter. If I want to create something, it's usually something very involved. This is a possibility, though. Maybe I'll put that one back on the table.

Take a bath. Right. In the middle of an argument with the HOA, I'm going to hop into the tub. Not really practical in 90% of stressful situations.

Take a walk. See above. While helpful in a few instances, it's not possible in the majority. I'd be walking non-stop. This is just a stab in the dark, but I'm pretty sure my bosses wouldn't appreciate me walking around the building instead of working.

And my favorite of all... stretch. Wait, what? Really? My boss comes in to yell at me. I start getting both depressed and stressed at the same time. I can feel the pressure and soreness in my throat that signals tears are on their way. I take a big swallow. Push it down. Stand up and... touch my toes. Nice. That's good. Oh, sir- go ahead, I'm listening. Just gotta stretch out the old hammies. Aaaahhhhh. Yeah. Ooh! Went a little far there. How about the quads! Sounds nice. Reach behind me and grab my foot, push it into my glut muscle. Wait a minute, this would work WAY better if I took off these bothersome high heels. Okay, keep going. You think my productivity sucks, huh? Oh, sir- you really should get in on this. This is.... fabulous. Okay, well, I'm sorry to hear that my employment is hanging by a thread. That really stinks. Maybe we should stretch out our calves! That's sounds great! Are you sure, sir? You look a little tense. Oh. Okay. See you later!

Come on. Really? Stretching? Who writes these lists?