I've mentioned it countless times before, but I'll go ahead and reiterate: I am an addict. The only thing that changes is what my current addiction is. Luckily, I've managed to free myself from the most unhealthy versions and am currently stuck in a strange pseudo-binge-eating situation. I still have this need to be full. I know it's something rooted in my psychology, but I'm not quite ready to start shelling out cash to have someone help me. I'm far more stubborn (and cheap) than that. So I need to beat this thing by myself (and the help of a few good friends.)
So here we go. Hello, my name is Vanessa, and I binge on fruits and vegetables. Oh yes. Those are the strangest words, and yet I find them fluttering around inside my cranium almost constantly. "Is this really a bad thing?" "Should we leave it alone so that our addiction doesn't turn to something worse?" "Are voices in my head really a good thing?"
I wouldn't mind at all if I didn't eat normally the rest of the day. So by the time I dig in for my carrot/celery/frozen fruit and yoghurt festival of scrumptiousness, I've already consumed the vast majority of my calories for the day. In a healthy manner. So my nighttime binges are adding a good 400 calories to that, which is making me gain weight (again.)
I need to go back to my origninal plan of not allowing myself to be addicted to anything, regardless of how healthy it is. The only question that remains, then, is... how do you break the addiction to addiction?
Friday, March 12, 2010
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